Running through my mind,

Hi all! I've neglected my blog for quite a while now. I am so busy with school right now. Year 3 is a hectic year I must say but I'm glad I'm still holding on although there are times which I wish I wasn't in this course. Anyway, I'm coping with school so far. 2-week June break has started but really, it's not exactly a holiday with all the projects that I am handling and going through right now. At least all of those projects are keeping me occupied rather than sitting at home and rot. I might as well be out working. And yes, side track, I actually miss working part-time after school. Oh well, IIP will be next working life till the actual working life.

Apart from school, I'm coping with what had happened recently. It was one of my worse times and I'm thankful for having friends who genuinely cares for me. There were there and still are. I fought back and I'm slowly picking up the broken pieces once again. It may not be as strong as how it is but I know I can stand on my both feet. I'm grateful for I have met such awesome bunch of boys and girls who are now in my friends list in my heart (:

It has been a few days and I'm slowly seeing the rainbow after the thunderstorm. Things are slowly coming back together, positively. I am waiting for the day where I could get things done and have the decision made so I could pick up myself again and move on from where I was left. But I do hope for things to be as how it was. I'm not going to lie to myself but that is what I want. So yes..... just waiting for that day.

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Not proper but meet my FYP team! ^^,

The last lap,

Hi all. How have you all been? I've been up to my neck lately. Year 3 is a tough busy year. It's tough to manage so many things at one go with FYP, PD, CME and not forgetting my beloved people. It's coming 5th week into my Year 3 and things are hell. I can't deny that. 

Portfolio Development (PD)

I've just submitted my first PD poster for my first PD item and............. I got a feeling I got to refine or even redo it :/ I'll be meeting my PD mentor probably this Thursday or Friday. Maybe this is the life of a design student. I should rephrase that, life of a design thinking student. Yes, my is not the typical design where you make things look nice. My course concentrates more on design thinking. Well, there is still the physical side to it like drawings and doing prototypes.

Final Year Project (FYP)

I'm coping with my FYP so far. I got to say, being a leader is not easy :( I do feel guilty/bad cause at times I do feel I'm doing the job as a leader. So far, my team is doing good. I have support and co-operation from all of them. We had our 5th meeting yesterday and we have just sent an email to a non-profit organization hoping we could work together with them for our FYP. Our FYP is getting more interesting I would say. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I think FYP is my first REAL project because we will be dealing with people. I meant unknown people like we have to approach ourselves and such. Okay, to put it simply, strangers. Exciting.. Interesting.. Nerve-wrecking too.Our FYP supervisor (who is also my PD mentor) did helped us as well. I would say so far, we've been getting sufficient help/support. Can't wait for the interviewing part! May my team work well together till the end.

Creative Media Enterprise (CME)

This is actually one of the modules that I'm taking and we have to participate in a competition. The reason for another load being added on my shoulders. I guess from the module name you all are able to guess that its related to business. I never like business, honestly. I remember doing a business project back in Year 1 and I cried cause it's just too much to handle. However this time, we're only working on just giving ideas (of course including the rationale and such). I kind of like the idea my team has proposed. Sounds good to me. Another good thing, there might have CCE points for it. I hope the higher authority approves it!

School Overseas Trip (SOT)

So.. my course has this programme arranged. It's a learning trip to Bali, green school for 7 days 6 nights. Sounds awesome. They had this last year and seems like those who went had so much fun. Now, I want to go! I hope I get a place! This is happening before my IIP (Industrial Immersion Programme if I'm not wrong. Internship in short) Enjoy before intership starts! Still waiting for a reply at the moment.

So many things happening at the moment. Year 3 is a very busy and hectic year. So many things to cope and handle. I hope I'll be able to stay sane throughout my last year! It's graduation week this week and I do want to see myself there too next year, together with my friends (:

Time management has to be my best friend now. Procrastination has got to go (still trying very hard on this). Say hello to perseverance, determination and sacrifices. May Year 3 end on a good note. 

Oh yes, do visit my FYP and PD blogs (:

FYP blog: http://fypteam6.wordpress.com/

PD blog: http://atiin.wordpress.com/

Updates,

Hi. It has been a while. School has started. Done with my first week of school and starting my second week tomorrow. School has been alright............ 4 modules to complete this time and I might like the module, Humanist Computing. Mama gave me a challenge. I'm up for it! Whoooop. Macam ape orang melayu kate, jadikan pembakar semangat.

I really don't know what I should be updating. Life'alright. Still trying to hold on for my last year and I will be free! Not free, free but free to do what I've been wanting to do. But....... no one can ever run away from work. Oh well. Money. Like what people say, no money no talk.

Hmm... what else. Oh yes, I'm keeping in check of the TP dates. I just want to book a safe date so I won't have to miss school or lose my almost $179 without being able to even try. I'm excited actually. I've been wanting to own class 3 license! No car right now but there is such thing as renting. Of course I would want my own in the coming future. If God willing.

I guess that is all for now. Take care readers.

Losing it,

It's almost 8 years now. How long more? I don't know how long more I can handle this. I don't know if I can hold on any longer. I don't know how far I can go in this. Being in a situation like this... sucks. I've been deprived of so many things that I wish to achieve in my teenage years. Now..... I'm moving on to 20. Until when again? 

I'm suffocated. I feel very suffocated. I don't like this. I don't like being cooped up like this. I hate being at "home". Yes, home with "home". The reason why I prefer staying out. I hate this. Truthfully, I'm getting impatient as years passed. I know I should be thankful and blablabla.... Yes I am thankful but coming 8 years is way too long especially for someone whose teenage years are being taken away so as to say. 

I'm losing patience. I'm not kidding. I really am losing patience. I get fucked up each time I'm not out. Maybe within a week, I were to be in for like 2 days, it's alright but not more than that. I just need to be out even if its for a while each day. I just can't stand this any more.

School's starting in 5 days time and believe it or not, I can't wait for it to start although I'm not really looking forward to it. I don't know... I have this crazy thought that I should not have stopped working part-time. Maybe I had felt better? Or maybe I should have gone back to how my life used to be with the old friends but I know that won't really help much. The only thing that helped will be that I won't be in most of the time. I know it's crazy but I can't be blamed for thinking that way right?

Mama's busy working to support the family; I'm grateful for this cause she's a responsible mother to her 2 daughters. Sister's schooling and she'll be taking her N's this year. We do have time together everyday though. I only like times after 5pm on weekdays cause they are around with me. I just don't like the other 2 who secretly badmouth about me, sigh. 

I used to be out most of the time after I left my old friends and met Ared till he got enlisted. I can't blame that. It's the law. Whatever it is, he still makes time for me, for us. Same goes to my girl friends. They've been awesome too. 

But just the other 2 which fuck things up.

I'm sorry for the vulgarities. I just need to let things out. I'm.... losing.... patience......

Holding on,

Just one more year to go. I didn't know that it gets harder to handle for doing something that is not your passion. I thought this is something that I want to do. Something that I thought would be my full-time career but now, I don't think that it is any more. I guess it's not too late to do something which I've been wanting to do right?

I have thoughts of leaving but I've been into it for 2 years so I might as well hold on and persevere till I graduate. After that, I'll pursue what I've been wanting to pursue. I would say I'm doing and progressing well so no harm continuing and aiming for better grades. I just want to graduate and after that, chase after my passion. Time will tell.

Talking about the future, I just don't find it right when I talk about my future because I'm actually afraid of growing up. Yes I may be turning 20 this December but I'm still afraid of growing up. I don't know if I'm afraid or I just don't want to. Either way, I have this fear in me. I just don't know what makes me feel so afraid.

I guess I have to learn to face reality and that no one will ever stay young.

Anyway, school will be starting in one more week and hopefully my third year will be the year that I'll be graduating. I can't wait for that day. I can't wait for the time where I'll have my own place and like every girls' dream, a place where she can call home with a guy whom she will call her husband; a loving, loyal, faithful, responsible husband of course. I do have that in mind in the beginning of 2012.

Like I've mentioned above, I'm afraid of growing up but maybe with all the achievement that I hope to achieve might help me out with the fear that I have for growing up. I hope, if God willing.

Family's doing great. The bonds between us are still strong. Just minor problems about certain things. Other than that, things are alright. Just waiting for the time where we have a place where we call home. Friends, so far alright. Well, friends comes and goes. Only true friends stays and I'm glad I do have them. Relationship? Doing good at the moment. I decided to stay. Some say that I'm too foolish to stay even after what happened but I guess things happen for a reason and people do make mistakes.

If God willing, things will turn out better.

All getting better,

Hi all. I haven't been updating. I've been trying to sort things out and alhamdulillah, things are more on the positive side now. So.. results were out last Friday. I didn't manage to check mine on that day itself because I can't connect to the school's VPN when in the past I do not need the VPN connection to check my results. Anyway, Ared and myself head down to school yesterday. Well yes, on a Sunday so I could check my results. School portal + school internet = confirm plus chop I can get through and true enough barely 2 minutes I got into the portal. I guess it's worth the wait because I did well. I did better than what I was aiming for. Again, alhamdulillah! (: I have a target. My target is that, when I graduate from RP, DDI, I would want to see at least a GPA of 3.0 for my whole 3 years there. From what I'm seeing from my current GPA, I'm finally moving towards it. I just got to keep up with what I've been doing and yes, do more of that and work harder. 

School is starting soon. 4 modules to handle this time together with Portfolio Development and Final Year Project. Woah oh oh I know. I can do this! Oh yes, another target to do, start my jogging routine once again! I've bought myself a pair of running shoes with the help of my friend, Imm San. Ared will be booking out in about 2-3 days time and he has extra days to be out and about, so he said he's going to accompany me for one of my jogging sessions, whoop! 

I don't know what else to say because the things that I've been trying to sort out are getting better now. Sacrifices to be made. Compromising along the way. Keeping the love strong. Having the care and concern as always. And I hope, we can be better at handling things between us and working towards our goal to as why we chose to start being together. Thank you for sacrificing for the sake of our relationship.

"It's not because of that, that I chose to stay. Having to stay just to be responsible for something won't make me stay. Responsibility is something that I know I have to take and not a reason to why I should be continuing this relationship. I continue with this relationship is because I see positive changes in you. And not forgetting, that I still love you. I have always love you from the start." :')

Obstacles,

Obstacles after obstacles. What do they mean? I'm tried of crying every single time. I want things to happen but.......

:'(